Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. -Genesis 2:24
A marriage between two Christ-followers mature enough to follow the Bible's call for decent behavior between human beings (Matt. 7:12; Rom. 14:19), and founded on the principles of marriage laid out in Ephesians 4-5 and Colossians 3 can and should be the most rewarding relationship in life. Union with Christ followed by union with another human being made in the image of God in a covenant of marriage is a foundation for joy.
Nevertheless, many struggle in significant ways in their marriages. With this in mind, allow me to provide you with a few very quick suggestions that may help those who find themselves at odds with one another. There are no magic bullets, just a few ideas that may help right a rocking ship.
1. Pray together. Pray aloud for one another. Ask God's blessings on your spouse in an audible voice that he or she can hear, and pray specifically for peace and joy in your marriage. Do this every day. Then put your prayers into practice.
2. Remember your spouse is also a brother/sister in Christ. Jesus died for your spouse. He or she is someone with whom you will share eternity, albeit in a different context, but with memories intact.
3. Keep in mind your spouse probably knows you better than anyone else on the planet. They have the potential to bring you the greatest joy and the greatest pain. It is only in surrendering to the possibility of pain that the greatest possibility for joy is realized. Joys and sorrows accompany every marriage.
4. We all know that politeness is a wonderful quality. Remember to be polite to your spouse. “Good morning,” “good night,” “God bless you,” and “I’m sorry” are beautiful phrases; do not save them for strangers and acquaintances only, regularly share them with your spouse as well.
5. “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Prov. 15:1).
6. Husbands – “Guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth” (Mal. 2:15).
7. Wives – “It is better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife” (Prov. 21:19).
8. Marriage is a blessing. There are many good, godly men and women who would love to be married to a godly person, but have yet to find that person. Do not take your marriage for granted.
9. Husbands and wives - read 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 and put it into practice like you would any other Spirit-inspired Scripture. This text holds the same authority as every other text in the Bible.
10. The grass may be greener on the other side of the fence, but it is likely there is just more manure over there. The feet of the adulterer go down to death; their steps follow the pathway to hell (Prov. 5:5).
The Scriptures speak to the matter of marital difficulties. 1 Corinthians 7:10-16 gives some clear directives, and a thorough reading of Ephesians 4 with a mind toward application is highly recommended. Remember—Christians do not try to destroy people’s lives—including those with whom they have grievances (even if they are justified). Intentionally making another person miserable, or leaving them destitute, is a sin in every instance that will be judged by God. It only harms children as well. “God has called you to peace” (1 Cor. 7:15).
For those of you who are struggling, help is available. Our Soul Care ministry is here and equipped to help. I recommend these books: Friends and Lovers by Joel Beeke; Strengthening Your Marriage by Wayne Mack; The Meaning of Marriage by Tim Keller, and Love that Lasts by Betsy Ricucci. If you have questions or need resources, please contact me or another pastor/elder, and we will point you in the right direction.
For those of you who are single. Think wisely before you say “I do.” Marriage is beautifully complicated and wonderfully difficult. To be single and available to God is a blessed state of being. Most want to be married, but do so wisely, and use your singleness for the glory of God while you have it.
There ends this week’s lesson from a guy happily married for 32 years, who has made a few mistakes and hopefully learned from them.
Grace and peace,
Pastor Jym